I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
