I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
