So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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