The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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