dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
