I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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