Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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