No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
