Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
