I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm passing your future prison.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
