You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
