i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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