so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We have so much sex to catch up on
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
