she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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