is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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