Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
