i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
