I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
