Porn is love you can see.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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