Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
