dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
