dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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