Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
