i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
