She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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