hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
