I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I touched a dick in church today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
