She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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