her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
