everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
