I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
