So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
