I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
