He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
