return my video game
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
