I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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