I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
