Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
