those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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