I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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