Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
