She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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