Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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