Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't make out with my wife yet
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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