Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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