My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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