youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize