Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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