I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
