Can i not drive my cunt home
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
