I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
