We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
