Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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