dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
