how hairy? two words: wookie tits
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
