I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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