my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How does it feel to date your dad?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
