You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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