I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
