i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
