I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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